Flatlands to Face Climbing in Fifty-Eight Hours

Last weekend I and 30 flatlanders from that outdoor-climbing Gehenna of the United States -- Lincoln, Nebraska -- took the classic weekend trip to Colorado. You know, the one where you beg your boss or professor to leave early on Friday, then get back so late Sunday night you're a zombie til Tuesday.

The way too wise Kate pointed out correctly that trips like this are more about the people than the climbing. So in that spirit, this climbing journal talks very little about the climbing that went on (though it was excellent), and focuses instead on the fun times had along the way. For easy reference I use the tried and true "Five F's of Climbing Journals" -- Food, Falls, Funnies, Flippin' Cookies and Fotos. Enjoy.

Food:

After climbing all Saturday at Shelf Road the whole gang went to Pizza Madness in downtown Canon City, where the cheese is so greasy you could stick a wick in it and light it. (That means it was the best pizza cheese many had ever eaten.) The joint's name probably derives from the wall murals, which feature three-dimensional renderings of: a) aliens crashing their UFO through the wall; b) various and sundry odd and scary-looking people, including a demonic-looking cat, feeding each other pizza; and c) gigantic bugs eating pizza.

Great fun was had by all except the staff, who must have recently angered the gods. Our group of 30 (one person didn't come) was closely followed by another group of 30. No kidding. To make matters worse (for them), we seem to have taken the tables set for the other group, by virtue of our early arrival for our reservation. This caused quite the pitter-pattering of managerial feet. Lucky the place had plenty of open tables available for shoving into place while the other group stared at us.

Pizza Madness also offered the day's first access to running water, so the line ran out the door as all the guys took sink showers. Later that night Jami may or may not have paid $3 to get her hair washed and styled at the Super Wal-Mart's beauty shop; if John, Tim or Nate told you, they'd have to kill you.

Sharon made some delicious Rice Krispies bars and, displaying the same attention to detail that keeps her glued to the tiniest toe chip, wrapped them individually in waxed paper. On Saturday she graciously shared them with Jon, Tim, Jami and John, but as her supply dwindled her protectiveness increased. When she was attempting to simultaneously perform a difficult camping-related task and eat a Rice Krispies bar, Tim offered to hold the latter for her. Wisely realizing the bar's mass would be significantly diminished upon its return, Sharon declined Tim's assistance.

Falls:

A Nebraska-like wind blast blew Nate off a Garden of the Gods face climb, his first outdoor lead and his first attempt at placing his own quickdraws on lead. Nate was 10 feet above his protection and about to clip the next draw when the wind knocked him off and almost knocked his belayer, Sharon, down. Nate's left leg caught the rope and flipped him, but he suffered only two jammed fingers on his first outdoor fall. Jami, a nurse, provided half-melted ice in a Wal-Mart sack while John contributed a (clean) sock in which to wrap the whole mess.

Funnies:

Jon achieved a one hour and three-minute telling of the Groovy Little Monks story which, believe it or not, is not his personal record. Bing, bing, BONG!

Flippin' Cookies:

Kevin forgot that altitude triples alcohol's effects so he, after imbibing a quantity of drinks appropriate for Nebraska's elevation, decorated the Colorado elevation with pink piles o' puke. Light sleeper John enjoyed a bit of the hurling before inserting his handy-dandy earplugs and drifting away in comfort thanks to the fine folks at the ThermaRest corporation.

Fotos:

Later on the road to the Garden of the Gods John, leading the way, noticed Ann pulling abruptly to the shoulder. John pulled over to render assistance (well, honestly, he would have stood around while the more mechanically aptituded Nate assisted). He ended up pulling out his camera as Kevin stumbled from Ann's gorgeous late-model SUV to flip some more cookies. John's car erupted in laughter as he snapped three photos of the flippage, then sped away.

Notes:
1. Last names have been omitted to protect the guilty.
2. Written from one person's perspective, this journal can't hope to cover more than a tiny fraction of all the fun that was had. If you were on this trip, please add to the account by posting comments with additional stories or links to stories elsewhere.