Top 10 Tips for a German Vacation

1. You don't have to worry about running out of beer on a volksmarch (a group walk for an entire town; there's one every weekend somewhere close by). A beer company truck will drive into the middle of a large forest to deliver reinforcements to the rest station.
   
2. The beer, bread and wine are the best in the world. No, don't argue. They are.
   
3. Don't believe the travel guides, which make German hotels sound like something from the 18th Century. They all have toilets and showers in the room, comfortable beds, telephones and satellite television. They cost 40 to 80 Euros, most under 60 Euros. Breakfast is included.
   
4. Driving in Germany is a challenge. Germans are amazingly skilled drivers and like to display their skills going 100 kph on narrow, winding roads. There will always be someone right behind you pressuring you to go faster.
   
5. Deutsche Telekom phone cards are not the right way to go. It's hard to find phone booths that take the cards, and it costs about 10 Euro cents for 10 seconds calling the United States. Tear the AT&T access numbers advertisement out of your in-flight magazine and use a credit card to pay.
   
6. The map you'll get with your rental car doesn't show small towns or even some semi-major roads. Since small towns (500 or 1,000 people) are where you'll find the best Germany has to offer, buy a better map.
   
7. German forests smell wonderful. Be sure you aren't congested when you're out for a walk.
   
8. Gummi Smurfs do still exist and they're just as yummy as they always were. But they're called Schluempfe, thus your friends' difficulty in finding them for you when they took a trip to Germany before you.
   
9. The stores close really, really early.
   
10. Buy gas in Luxembourg if you're around Trier. It's 30 Euro cents cheaper per liter. There's a huge gas station right at the border. But don't drive past the pumps and park so you can go use the bathroom first. You won't be able to get back without driving the wrong way on three one-way streets and almost getting smooshed by a truck.