How do small-market TV news staff avoid death by embarrassment during each newscast? They must be heavily medicated, because a story last night on one of Lincoln, Nebraska's two TV stations was a real howler.
A report on research into Vitamin D's preventative effects for women prone to multiple sclerosis began with the anchorperson stating, "Multiple sclerosis is a disease that affects ... (slight pause) ... the tissues." Which tissues might those be? The Charmin? Would squeezing them help?
The accompanying video was the best. Remember, the story's about women taking Vitamin D to lower their chances of developing multiple sclerosis. So who do they show happily tossing back some pills? A man.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Monday, March 1, 2004
Certain Dri: Sweaty Pits Salvation
John: Hi, my name's John, and I have axillary hyperhidrosis.
Support Group: Hi, John!
Today, loyal readers, I'm performing the classic act of self-sacrifice in today's culture: revealing an embarassing fact about myself, in order to help others.
I have, or should I say had, sweaty pits. Frightfully sweaty pits. Not just a light dampness -- a steady drip, drip, drip of cold, clammy nastiness. You can feel beads of sweat forming before they slide, ever so slowly, all the way down your side to your hips.
The condition's called axillary hyperhidrosis, and apparently it afflicts quite a few people (enough, anyway, to justify the purchase of the domain name www.sweaty-armpit.com by a doctor who treats hyperhidrosis).
Any shirt I put on would be soaked through in the underarms in five minutes flat. Wearing undershirts didn't help, whether they were made of cotton or high-tech wicking material; the sweat would just gather in an ever-expanding white-ringed splotch on the outer shirt.
All that's changed thanks to a fairly inexpensive medicated antiperspirant, Certain Dri.
It cost me about $5.50 at Walgreen's. It contains aluminum chloride instead of the aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex found in your standard antiperspirants. You put it on before bedtime and, after some initial fierce but bearable itching, forget about it. It shuts down your armpit sweat glands for days at a time; you don't even have to use it that often. Don't worry, you won't overheat. There's plenty more sweat glands all over the rest of your body.
Believe it or not, you can buy it at Amazon.com, where its sales rank is93 in the Health & Personal Care category. #5 in the antiperspirants category. Gift wrapping, you'll be sorry to hear, is still not available for this item.
Be sure to catch the glowing and hilarious review from "chatchi," who refers to himself in both the third person and the first person while relating that he (somehow) measured seven quarts of personal sweat output and decided to get help "[a]fter failing numerous job interviews, and scaring away an immeasurable amount of potential romantic companions because of my mind-boggling sweat production ... ." He concludes: "Thanks to Certain Dri, chatchi had the last laugh."
Support Group: Hi, John!
Today, loyal readers, I'm performing the classic act of self-sacrifice in today's culture: revealing an embarassing fact about myself, in order to help others.
I have, or should I say had, sweaty pits. Frightfully sweaty pits. Not just a light dampness -- a steady drip, drip, drip of cold, clammy nastiness. You can feel beads of sweat forming before they slide, ever so slowly, all the way down your side to your hips.
The condition's called axillary hyperhidrosis, and apparently it afflicts quite a few people (enough, anyway, to justify the purchase of the domain name www.sweaty-armpit.com by a doctor who treats hyperhidrosis).
Any shirt I put on would be soaked through in the underarms in five minutes flat. Wearing undershirts didn't help, whether they were made of cotton or high-tech wicking material; the sweat would just gather in an ever-expanding white-ringed splotch on the outer shirt.
All that's changed thanks to a fairly inexpensive medicated antiperspirant, Certain Dri.
It cost me about $5.50 at Walgreen's. It contains aluminum chloride instead of the aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex found in your standard antiperspirants. You put it on before bedtime and, after some initial fierce but bearable itching, forget about it. It shuts down your armpit sweat glands for days at a time; you don't even have to use it that often. Don't worry, you won't overheat. There's plenty more sweat glands all over the rest of your body.
Believe it or not, you can buy it at Amazon.com, where its sales rank is
Be sure to catch the glowing and hilarious review from "chatchi," who refers to himself in both the third person and the first person while relating that he (somehow) measured seven quarts of personal sweat output and decided to get help "[a]fter failing numerous job interviews, and scaring away an immeasurable amount of potential romantic companions because of my mind-boggling sweat production ... ." He concludes: "Thanks to Certain Dri, chatchi had the last laugh."
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